Musings

Carrying fear and fulfilling our purpose in life.

I wonder how many of us believe we have a purpose in life?

If you are one who lives with the notion that we are put here for a reason then you too must wonder from time to time, am I fulfilling my life’s purpose?

In times of shear frustration and overwhelming discontent I have tried to live a purposeless life. I have become so overwhelmed with the magnitude of what I believe my purpose is that I have just thrown in the towel and said, ” forget it, this is too hard, I don’t want this “purpose”. I would tell my self that it is better and easier to just live a regular existence and stop caring so much about that grand notion of my purpose in life.

I would be able to slosh around in that aimless existence for a short time. Blissfully ignorant of what I should be doing, what I am meant to be doing.  Now I have to tell you during these times in my life I am usually very self-destructive. Of course I did not always recognise that to be the case. As time has gone on I have been able to find the capacity within myself to be brutally honest.

I believe the most prevalent reason for me getting side lined in life is due to fear.

The  FOREBODING shadow of fear has a far reach. My dreams and desires, my ambition, it all starts to shrink in the presence of my fear.

For me it is not only the fear of failure but it is also the fear of success. It freaks me out to think that I could achieve my deepest desires and live the life I am supposed to. This is a very personal space to be in. No one in your life can tell you what you are supposed to be doing with your life. This is something that only you can know. Perhaps that is part of what scares me. The fact that this is all on me, I will fail or succeed based only on what I do or fail to do. Our “purpose” rests solely on our own shoulders, no one else can carry that for us.

That is a very overwhelming truth.

Wrapped up and intertwined in this “base fear” is all the other smaller but no less poignant fears that I carry. Now your main overarching fear may be different from mine, because let’s face it we are not the same person. We are made up of so many differing circumstances and belief systems. This is what I have come to realize is my main “fear load”. I like the way those two words go together. Fear and load are two separate things that can be dismantled from each other.  I will probably always have some degree of this fear lurking in the dark corners just beyond my sight line. However, the key point is that I do not have to allow it to become a load. I can learn to manage it. When it starts to build up I can take steps towards breaking it down.

What you are afraid to do is a clear indication of the next thing you need to do.–Ralph Waldo Emerson

If we find something in life that makes our soul sing than we should hold on to it with all we got. There should be nothing in this world that can steal such an amazing treasure from  our grasp. If you are afraid, do it anyway.

I know I have a purpose in life. I have known this for a long time. I used to think that saying that out loud to others made me sound pretentious. I am so done thinking that. It is my hope that we can all find the confidence to speak the truth of our purpose to others. Why should we not be bold enough to tell people the grand purpose of our existence? It is not our concern if someone want’s to judge or question our proclamation. It is our concern to live that purpose with the boldest of  convictions. And when we finally give ourselves the permission to do that we will see ourselves shine in whatever our purpose may be.

I understand that “purpose” is such a big concept. I will come back to this topic at a later date. I think there are so many crevices we can explore here.

Live your life with no regrets. Do not get lost in fear or complacency. Do the things that blow your mind. Live a life that makes your heart full. That is a beautiful life. That is a life of purpose. That is a life like no other.

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Categories: Musings

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